Cult Cravings: The Anti-Chaos Issue [July Issue #1]
Crying in Prada & Other Anti-Chaos Essentials
The July issue of SoftEdge is titled Anti-Chaos.
Not because I’m trying to figure out how to be more productive, implement systems around a to-do list, or any other self-help noise. It’s not about creative ‘better habits’.
It’s about finding the things that feel like me. Not the mask I’ve become accustomed to wearing, but the real me. The quiet me.
Not the version of me that performs to be liked.
Not the one who proves my value by always being useful, productive, put-together.
But the one underneath all of that.
The quiet one. The sensitive one. The emotionally honest one who just wants to feel loved without having to earn it.
Anti-Chaos is what happens when your nervous system finally gets the memo that the threat has passed—and now you’re left wondering: Wait, who am I without the noise? Without the to-do list? Without the performance?
So I’m starting here.
Not with a big revelation or reinvention. But with a list of the small, sensory things that make me feel safe in my body. That bring me back to centre.
That remind me I don’t need to be impressive - I just need to feel like myself.
Instead of finding another personality flaw or trauma to fix from my past, I’m choosing to sooth my nervous system; and it’s become a full-time job this month. Except it’s unpaid. And doesn’t come with dental. I’m paying Bupa for that.
But I’ve found a few things that are currently keeping me on the edge of regulated - and honestly, I’m counting that as a win for a change.
Here’s what I’m reaching for lately, not because they fix anything, but because they make the daily overstimulation feel less like a personality flaw and more like a lifestyle choice.
A Sand + Fog candle I light before noon like the rebel I am.
Smells like teakwood, mahogany and delusion. Honestly? Worth every second of the 4 hour round trip it took to buy them.Coffee & a ‘mum-meditation’ after school drop-off.
Like a normal meditation, but with the sound of mild toddler chaos in the background and Toy Story playing through Disney+ on a loop. No affirmations. No journaling. It’s as close to a spa as I’m getting—and I’ll take it.Online Halloween hauls.
I’m spiritually living inside the UK and US TKMaxx & Anthropologie websites. It’s Summerween and I’m committed. Manifesting Australia getting onboard soon, but logical knows I shouldn’t be holding my breath. Having said that, I did get free shipping from Anthropologie and snagged some stinking cute Halloween townhouse décor. I’m not saying it healed me…but it did something.KPop Demon Hunters on Netflix.
Plus the playlist. It’s giving “face your demons but make it emotional with Sailor Moon vibes” I cry every time “This Is What It Sounds Like” comes on. Highly recommend for anyone doing inner child work, but loves a good bop at the same time. Low key thinking about starting a petition to have Huntrix and Saja Boys become an Ai band and drop new music soon.Journaling every evening with my 6-year-old.
She told me that she’s been having some intrusive thoughts over the past few months, and nothing had been helping. Our first journaling session ended with her saying, “It’s not in my head anymore, mummy”. I’ve never felt more proud of both of us.Closing out the kitchen.
Better than any full moon ritual, I swear. Kids in bed. Work tops sprayed down with my favourite scent. Sand + Fog candle (obviously) lit on the side. Coke Zero poured into a wine glass—because, aesthetics—and then I’m horizontal with Love Island or And Just Like That. If Carlsberg did ‘me time’…Toasted cheese and ham croissants from the local bakery.
No notes. 10/10. It’s basically a personality trait at this point.
None of this is groundbreaking, but it’s not meant to be.
It’s meant to be personal; just what’s keeping me from screaming into the void. Which is exactly what living in a small countryside town feels like at times.
Sometimes that’s enough, and I encourage you to find a handful of things that feel like home to you.
Maria x
✦ Read the Rest of The Anti-Chaos July Issue #1:
→ Cult Cravings: For the sensory obsessions and secret comforts we romanticise our survival with
→ Note to Self: The emotional fog between burnout and clarity, written in real time
→ Dead Honest: No fluff. No filler. Just the truth you’re too tired to dress up
→ Moodswings: July’s emotional forecast (spoiler: you’re not actually losing it)
→ Directors Cut: When the dream comes true but doesn’t feel like you thought it would
This is one of 5 free posts from this month’s SoftEdge issue. If you want the full experience—including the deeper drops, private posts, and full archive access—you can become a paid subscriber. £24/year or just £4 per issue (month).